"The traditional family ideal projects a model of equality....actual families remain organized around varying patterns of hierarchy....the traditional family ideal assumes a male headship that privileges and naturalizes masculinity as a source of authority" (Rosenblum and Travis, p. 246-247).
"...proving masculinity may require frequent rehearsals of toughness....one's ability to withstand stress as a preparation for greater stress" (Rosenblum and Travis, p. 255)
"A battle of the sexes approach suggests that women have internalized a relational orientation but are unable to establish relationships because hooking up-which men prefer-has come to dominate college sexual culture (Rosenblum and Travis, p.261)
It was interesting to read the first article "It's All in the Family: Intersections of Gender, Race, and Nation" (Rosenblum and Travis, p. 245-254) which is quoted at the beginning of this post. What was intriguing is that the family model ideally would be a balanced relationship between adults, each having the same amount of say over the decision making process in a family. This also includes the decision making capabilities of children of these adults and how that should also be equal. As the first quote indicates, this is not necessarily what is occurring across the U.S. There is still a sense of a male figure being at the top of the family, then the mother, then the children. At times, even a male child may have more say than their mother.
The second quote found above, shows that the perception of males in the U.S. society is one of being tough and having the ability to withstand difficult situations; however, in order to prepare they must practice and contrive situations to be tough in (Rosenblum and Travis, 2012).
The last quote also shows this idea that males of college age in the U.S. are less likely to want relationships compared with their female peers. When women do engage in sexual encounters with peers that have no goal of a relationship, they may be stigmatized as a slut, unlike their male peers (Rosenblum and Travis, 2012). When it comes to the perception that females strive for relationships whereas males don't, is this a social construct, misinformation, or human nature?
To return to the first two quotes about male dominance in a family system, unfortunately I have experienced the consequences of being female in a family that still blindly considers some jobs of the family to be for females and some for males. My husband and I have almost the some exact educational background, as well as the same experience with fixing cars (none of our education included car mechanics, unfortunately). As I was speaking to my own father about a potential problem with my car, he told me to "just put (my husband) on the phone, he'll know more about this." Well you know what, my husband doesn't, and I dare say that I might now a bit more because I grew up helping my father when I unsuccessfully didn't find something else I had to do (fixing cars wasn't fun for me, though my younger sister loved it). I was so angry that my father had said that to me and I told him so (somewhat politely).
Another example, is when my extended family gets together for a birthday, holiday, etc. All of the men and women in my family hold full time jobs, no one is a stay at home parent. When it is time to prepare the meals, set the table, clean-up, and bring out dessert the women do it. The men sit in the living room and talk or watch tv. My father over the years, having two daughters who are opinionated, now helps, but the rest do nothing but enjoy the day. I remember as a child this occurring and thinking nothing of it but now it is so obviously unequal that I can't let it slide. It's a remnant from the past, from when my grandmother had that role (though, she definitely worked as well as kept the house up). The women in my family are not only expected to work but to keep house as well.
The three above quotes suggest the inequality of women and the social constructs we assign to males and females, that are simply outdated (or maybe should have never occurred in the first place). Fortunately, social constructs are what we invent, and that means they can be changed. Like the college students from Rosenblum's and Travis' (2012) book or the males and females in my family, roles need to be individualized, not the norm.
Rosenblum, K. E., & Travis, T. C. (2012). The Meaning of Difference: American Constructions of Race, Sex and Gender, Social Class, Sexual Orientation, and Disability (ed.). New York, NY: McGraw Hill.
Great stories: they enliven your reflections.
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